he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
