Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize