If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All the doctor said was why
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
