I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
