She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
