dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
