Can Purell be used as lube?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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