its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
