I think I died a long time ago.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
