Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
