Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
