keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
