She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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