how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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