only if we run a train.
done.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
