I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
