I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
