am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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