i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
