She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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