Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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