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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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