He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
