If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize