You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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