Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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