I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
