I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Farmville is her only friend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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