So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
