come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
