I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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