Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
