i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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