When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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