I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
did i just pee glitter
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
