GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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