Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
