So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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