You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
