in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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