Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
