He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
