I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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