people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
