You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
