So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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