dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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