Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
