The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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