The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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