So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
