I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
