he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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