u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she looked like the before picture.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
