i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Terrible idea I love it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
