Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
