i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
