Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
