you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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