lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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