have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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